You're Just My Type.

It's weird, you know? The feeling like everything's perfect, but also that nothing is... It kind of depresses me at times. I just want everyone to be happy, but I know that's impossible. It sucks because I love all of my friends and I love all that life has for us, but I can't stand the pain or pressure. Do you think we could fall in love...?

So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating? Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in...

Let Me Kiss You One Last Time.

Ever had that rollercoaster effect where you feel like you're going up and down, and side to side, and looping around and around? Then you get off and you're so unbelieveably dizzy? That's me. I feel like I've been going back and forth in my mind, trying, and failing, to make things better... The happier I feel, the more friends I see hurt. But when I feel the worst, my friends usually seem just dandy.
I don't know... Maybe I'm just crazy, but I don't think I'm imagining what I see and feel everyday. I guess I'm just not supposed to think about being happy, just to be happy. And I am, Right Now.
The movie that I saw today, Where The Wild Things Are, may not be "by the book" but it was still pretty good. I enjoyed it with my mom, sister, Jeremy, Cassie, Holly, Trevor, Tiffany, and best of all Taylor. :)

"That's Just The Dog. Don't Feed It, It'll Only Follow You Around." -Carol, The Wild Thing.

Looking For A Way To Start Again.

It suddenly feels like I'm sliding to a stop in a train car that was speeding so fast down a hill. It's like all I really cared about was how fast I was going at the time and forgot that, "Hey, wake up. You're going to stop sooner or later so your problems are still there just still at the top of the hill." So I'm starting my long trek back up to the top, where all my problems are, because all there is at the bottom of the hill is empty space. A bottomless gorge so the only way to go is back up.
I feel like I'm losing friends faster than I can find out why. Like I'm getting more problems before I can fix what I already messed up... I want to just crawl into a hole and sleep for days. The way I feel right now is so perfectly indescribable it's almost inhuman, like it doesn't exists. It's like I'm floating on the surface of some indiscernible realm of perfect wonders I can't see and the sadness I feel is... Unimaginable.
It's like my mind wants to be happy, but my heart aches for unknown force. I want to run and scream, but not move an inch and never leave the place in my mind where all is calm, but I'm shot out of this other worldly place with the pain of reality and the mind blowing sense of being watched...
You know when you start watching someone after you notice them watching you, then while watching them you notice someone else watching them too? That's how it is with me right now. Like I notice too much and say too little. I'm not afraid of just anything. I'm not afraid of any one thing or any one thought... I'm afraid of the pain...
Of Everything.
I'm afraid of the pain of losing my friends. Afraid of the pain of someone breaking my trust. Afraid of the pain of payment and solitude. Of falling and getting hurt, or getting bit, or poisoned. I may not be afraid of dying. But I am afraid of the pain of dying. Of the pain of hurting someone...

I'm Afraid Of... Myself...

Once Upon A Broke Heart, I Was Walking Alone In The Dark.

I love my best friends. I love my friends. I love my classmates. I love my acquaintances. I don't hate anyone. I say I do, but I don't. I try to be angry at people, but can't hold grudges very long. I try to pretend like nothing's wrong, but it's like I'm living a lie. I hate being this way... I hate acting like I'm something I'm just not. I'm not strong. I'm not all smiles like everyone sees. I'm not confident, and I'm not brave.
People can think I'm just this self-centered bitch who's so confident and smart with the perfect life and the perfect family, but that's not me at all. Some friends will probably disagree with me, but yeah. I am a bitch. And yes I can be self-centered. I have talked shit and I have made more mistakes and can't even correct half of them. I'm not hoping or trying to correct any at this point. I've hurt so many people and myself in the process. I've never felt more depressed in my life, but, at the same time, never appeared so happy... Only question left I guess is...

Where Do I Go From Here?

Trying To Keep The Walls From Closing In.

I can't help but feel that the world is slowly crumbling beneath my feet. That everything I stand for is being shoved by everyone I stand by. I feel so negative all the time and it's killing me... I hate the sheer feeling of helplessness that I got yesterday... I wanted so badly just to help, but I couldn't do anything but sit and watch as someone I loved broke down... Sometimes I just feel like I could do everything to help someone and it still wouldn't be enough... I feel like it never will be...
I feel like love is all I can stand for. That who I am is being questioned by who I'm becoming. People change me everyday and I can't handle it anymore... I've never been this depressed in my life and I hate it. My chest hurts and my emotions feel numb. I can't think straight or even remember what I'm doing or saying half of the time. All the little side comment jokes now piss me off and then I realize it was a joke and feel like a bitch and it just sucks.

Whatever...

Don't Let Me Go.

One of them is sweet and gentle, another a complete mystery but understanding, and the last just fun and funny and kind. I'm slowly, slowly breaking my heart. Killing myself from the inside out. I want everything to be alright but it won't. It never will.
Homecoming was the best night ever. It was perfect. It was unique. It was everything I could imagine and more... But why? Only to wake up and face the truth. I'm a fuck up. I've been playing myself into thinking I can just not choose and I have to. It doesn't matter how cute I look or how hard I try to be happy. Honestly, I hate how I hurt these guys and myself... Saying this year has started out hard is an understatement on so many levels.
I just want to lay down and never have to get up again. To have all my problems disappear and all of my guys happy. I love them more than the world itself. Happiness and love is all that I wish them. I would never ever want anything to hurt them even though I am right now... I want to be able to keep them with me forever and ever and never have a problem... But that's impossible.

Life. Is. Impossible.

I Don't Want This Moment To Ever End.

I feel like I'm losing it. Slowly just slipping out of my mind. No matter how hard I fight to keep in reality; the second I close my eyes, dreams flow over my emotions. No matter how close I get to someone, I'm still so far away. No matter what I try to do, I'm still so broken...
I've tried to be in a relationship. I've tried to not be in a relationship. I've tried all I can think of. Nothing fits my lifestyle. No one, not one person I could possibly imagine could feel the pain I have and seem the life I've lived. I take other people's pain sometimes and make it my own. When they ask for help, I feel how they feel and I hurt in unison with them. And even when people seem their happiest, I can see it in their eyes. I watch day after day as people pass me and for a split second I catch their gaze and feel their pains.
I know some people will pretend they don't have any. Pretend that nothing can phase them. Act like life's just a game to be played and won, but even I know that they know it isn't true. I hate not being able to trust people. I hate believing in love. I hate believing in the goodness of everyone. Like I can't see how used I am. How people look at me, but not see me. I don't want to care, but I do. But I also care about making others feel better.
No matter how much I lack... I make up for it in heart. In the willingness to look past and go forward. I want to keep going forward and to love with everything that I have. I want everyone to see that people can have compassion. But right now I don't even know if I believe that anymore. I want to believe more than anything that people can be good. And I don't want to be discriminated for it.
I'm sick of being looked down on. I'm sick of people assuming that everything won't be okay. I'm sick of everyone thinking I won't understand, without even giving me a chance....

These Words Are My Heart And Soul.

You're Hiding Something Cause It's Burning In Your Eyes.

It's all my fault. I know. It's always my fault right? Chase, Matt, Casey, now Aaron. Everyone always blames me. I give up. I lose! Game over. I don't want to hurt any more people. It's literally slowly and painfully killing me. And you know what? I'm still gonna wear that fake smile everyday at school and pretend I'm alright when my world is falling from the sky. It's all downhill from here now. I'm in a 900 foot hole with no shovel and it's raining.
I wrote some nice poems about people at school today... I though they would like to read them because they're some of the people closest to my hearts. There's one for Aaron, Hayden, Daniel S., Danny D., Kyle, Nicole, Cassie, Morgan, Alex, and, believe it or not, Brittany Moore.
I'm done trying. I'm done fighting to keep my friends because I just want to be happy. I want my friends to be people I can count on. I was right though. Hayden does put things simply and honestly. Aaron is a sweet guy. Kyle can make me laugh. And Alex's views disappoint me. What more do you want from me? I want to stay friends with you guys, but if you're just going to take sides then forget it because I'll always lose. I now know that as a fact not just a statement.

I Bet You've Fallen Deeper In The Dark...

Quit Crying Your Eyes Out, Baby.

I can't stand myself. The emotions rise in fall in my heart and the tears stained into my face can only be of the heart I have that toys with the emotions of overly emotional people, such as myself but in greater scales. My mind wanders the school to the faces of the people I see five days a week almost every week for over half a year. The school year messes with my head, brings out my inner thoughts, and wrings out my emotions. I can't stand it. It's almost unbearable just thinking about it.
The music I listen to, the stories I read... They're all just part of the big misunderstanding I am. The wandering disaster that I've molded my friends to believe. The happiness? Fake. The confidence? Fake. So what's left? The story of the perfect family life? Not! Not one person can even relate to what I've been through. I would never wish someone to walk in my shoes and and see what it's like to be me.
The envious stares from girls and guys alike. The sadness in my friends. The honesty that I shove out my mouth because I don't want to owe anyone anything. I can't stand the pressure from all sides of my life. My mom, sisters, grandparents, friends... Everyone just gets to me. Everyone has a voice to be heard and I pride myself in my willingness to let people speak, but I have a voice to that is so solemn heard it almost envies the words my ears deliver to my brain. The very thing I take pride in I despise, but love.
So how is it then? That I can talk about everything to everyone and still feel so misunderstood. My pistandrophobia, or fear of faith in men, causes my irrational behavior that I so hate. The thing I hate most though I think is knowing that I have pistandrophobia and I still can't do anything about it.

So why don't you all sit down, listen to the tale I'm about to tell, hell, we don't have to trade our shoes and you don't have to walk no thousand miles in my shoes just to see what it's like to be me. I'll be you, let's trade shoes just to see what it'd be like to feel your pain, you feel mine; go inside each other's mind just to see what we'd find... -Eminem

Look At Shit Through Each Other's Eyes.

My Sweet Mistake.

Homecoming... What is Homecoming? Well... A day when girls get all dolled up and make their guys dress up nice. A day usually in late September or early October, built around a central event.
In Taylorville, that event is Football and hopefully we win this year. People get so stressed about Homecoming they forget it's not just about fancy dresses and guys in suits, or dancing and parties. It's about family coming home for reunions, or about seeing all your friends, or about getting to spend time with someone special.
Watching movies is another new hobby of mine. Recently I saw The Ugly Truth and District 9. They were both very good movies, though District 9 is not a family movie.
Also, recently I've found someone very special to me and his name is Aaron. Just something about him makes him seem different. He's unpredictable and funny, yet nervous and some may say even shy. He's quiet, but loud and friendly, but questionable. And sometimes, it seems, that with guys like him, I'll just never know.
Happiness and Sadness are just part of life. Anger and Resentment are also. The strange conbination are what make people themselves, and no one person is like another. You're only young once, why not live that way?

The Past Is Only The Future With The Lights On.

And The Night Will Go On.

Life rolls out a new set of challenges as the new school year begins. And for some, these challenges bring out the best and worst of attitudes. I haven't post a blog in over two weeks out of the busy schedule that is now my life.
6:00- Wake up, Get ready.
7:00- Leave for school
8:20- School starts
3:20- School ends
3:50- Leave school
I hardly have time between friends and homework to think, much less write down my thoughts. I wish I had more time to record because several interesting things have happened to me.
The latest was a concert, Purple Tranzam. Aaron Joseph Gosnell, Daniel Ronald Dallstream, Bj Pearce, and Channing Marsh are the members of PTZ and they rock. Between the guitars, drums, bass, and vocals, there's just enough time to hear the amazing sound they produce. They have never sounded, or looked, better than they did that night. The intense music that they cover delivers a particular sound that only their combined skills could manage.
I've known Aaron and Danny for a long time and I'm proud to call them my friends. Two best of best friends who had a dream and made a band like no other.
I may not know Bj and Channing as well as others but I know that they are so talented. Bj can play so many instruments it's amazing. Channing seems like he's just an inspiration to so many kids.
I love the band and the sound and everything about them.

I Came Here To Make You Dance Tonight. :)

Everything, Everything's Magic.

Two weeks until school. Exactly two weeks. I sign up, what, next week? Why aren't I texting many people, because, quite honestly, I don't feel like talking.

Here's what I have on my plate;
We're getting wood floors in the halls
We're getting all new carpeting for the rooms
We're painting

Which means I have to....
Clean both the rooms I share with my sisters
Help clean the house
Help clean my mom's room

Also, my grandma's supposed to take us shopping, a day for that. My sister's coming home from her college summer course and I'm going to pick her up, a day for that. I need to learn how to drive, many days for that. I'll probably need to go shopping several times at Wal-Mart. I'm absolutely fed up with people asking me why I'm not talking to them!
I may not have a job, but I do work. It's something called my family; and I actually care about them. Unlike some people who think their family sucks. I've noticed my family can be unfair and all that jazz, but at the end of the day... Family is forever. I just wish more people knew that. I'm happy where I am.
I like the quiet and the peacefulness of being alone. I guess some people can't stand to be alone, but for me, it's quite the contrary. I care about my friends and I know they want to talk to me and all... But I need time for myself and for people I want to talk to. There are certain people that I just want to talk to. Sorry, that's just how it is. I guess that's just all I have for now...

I'm A Wandering Misfortune.

I Want You To Know, You're Never Alone.

I went back, way back, and discovered my feelings for every guy I've ever felt for. I've uncovered every hidden leaf and flipped every unturned stone and I've realized... You can't live with distraught attitudes because something went unfavorably. I never want to forget who I am. And I never will now.
Thanks to experiences that weren't favorable, I've found myself again and I've remembered that I never, ever wanted to be "the other girl" and I'll try my hardest not to be. You know that girl that all the other girls don't like because they think she'll steal their boyfriends. I was that girl without reason.
When I became that girl with reason I... I woke up. And I found myself in a little hole, all alone with no where to go, but up. I got up and found my wings. I found the happiness I want comes after the pain and sadness. Without hurt, there's no healing, which makes no sense, because self-inflikted wounds are my specialty. If I can't reecover then I fall into a hole that goes deeper and deeper. Until all of the pain and sadness wash away with tears and I can find my magic again.
I know now that all I've done to try and help was worth it. I like to help people, or even try. I don't know why, but everything seems brighter now. I've never felt so enlightened and I always want to remember this so, this is it. This is my memory, put on the screen, for everyone to see and hopefully... Hopefully it helps someone.

You'll Always Have A Place To Go, It's On The Brighter Side.

Go Rock The World And Prove Them Wrong.

I don't know why, but every time I get close to someone... I want to let them go. I just told someone everything I've ever felt about them and it's never enough for me. It's like I have to help the people who need it and I can't stay with the people who want me, like want me.
Guys can be very sweet and emotional... But I can't do it, I just can't... Nor can I be the Time Traveler's Wife. I can't be with someone I know can't be there for me when I may need them the most. And even when I feel like I can give more than what I have, I still can't stay. I need to learn to tell people how I feel after I tell them how I used to feel... I just feel like I'm letting myself down...
I'm fifteen. These are the years of my life. I don't want to... Well not waste, but... Use up my love on one person. I want to make people happy... I don't know what to do anymore... I miss what I used to be all about. I miss the happiness and love. I miss the spontaneity. I can get back to it and I will... I just need some time.
I just want to make people happy and help them to the best of my ability. I guess I won't be able to help some people, but others I will. And I plan on it.

And At The End Of The Day, If Nothing Else, I Am Love.

I'm Only Me When I'm With You.

When life gives me lemons... I throw them away. I'm no good at making lemonade. But I am good at listening. I think that's why guys like to talk to me. Girls like to bitch. Guys like to vent. Yes, they're different.
Lately, people have... Connected... More. Like people actually care more often then they used to... I don't know why. People can be so random, but so... Fascinating. I just like to observe people. That may sound a whole lot creepier than it really is. I'm just a curious person.
I hate that I'm so misunderstood. I hate that friends drift apart. I hate that people can be so accusatory. I hate that I've never stolen any one's boyfriends, yet girls still have to tell their boyfriends they don't want them talking to me. I hate that everything is so overrated and stupid. And I hate that everyone just wants to fit in or wants to find love. I'm young. I'm a teenage girl. I can survive a little heartbreak. It's my life and I'll do what I please with it.

We're Like A Two Piece Puzzle. Complex, But So Simple.

There Exists A Melody That Just Might Change Your Mind.

Why would you invite someone somewhere and not show up? I got stood up at a fair? Oh my god. What's wrong with guys now a days?! Alex is right. Guys do just want sex. Unfortunately, guys opinions do matter. It just sucks.
Worst part about it was that the guy is Alex's "best friend." Alex un-claimed him though after he ditched both of us to go see his ex Brittany, who cheated on him! I'm just way over stupid guys thinking with their dicks and not thinking I'm gonna be mad for them lying. Like, for real? What the fuck.
In other news. My friend found out that Tony Oller is her long lost brother! Half brother. She hasn't met him yet, but her brother, Justin, did. That's so cool. I'm glad she found him.

Whatever Happens, Happens.

Because You Live, I Live.

Well I Seriously Miss Going Out With You. -Vision Way.
Well What If I Said I Wouldn't Leave If You Didn't Want Me To? -I Miss You.
But You're Special, Really. You Are So Beautiful, And Nice. So Many Things That Words Can't Describe. -I Miss You.

The eve on Independence Day, I really hope it doesn't rain. I really want to see my friends. I'm supposed to be picnicking at the lake! I also really need to talk to Tilur... He watched the fireworks with me last year. I guess I could say I'm excited, but, honestly, I'm more excited about actually watching the parade! I've been in it the last three years, so I haven't got to watch.
I'm also overly excited about the fair. My friends; Danny, Aaron, and Bj; are in a band called Purple Tranzam and they entered the Talent Show! I'm way happy for them and totally going to watch! Also, Kyle owes me a prize. I always win. That just proves it. :D Hahaha.
Seriously though, I'm even more stoked about going to visit my Aunt Irish down in Texas! I bought a new bikini, and we're staying on a resort or whatever. I can tell that it's going to be awesome! The only thing that would make it better would be if I could take my best friends Daniel and Cassie...
Ryan too. We just re-established our friendship. It was funny, because we hadn't talked since school got out and my mom went to get a hair cut while me and Leenah bought bikinis and it was taking forever so we just walked over to the salon and there was dorky Ryan, sitting in the chair waiting. So I did a typical Kayla, and waltzed right over to his chair. My favorite hair stylist was going to cut his hair, and I had already had my hair cut earlier that day. If I knew she would have been working later, I would have waited. Anyways, I was like, “Ryan, you’re such a dork. Good thing you have the best stylist.” She thought it was hilarious. He had to make some joke about sewing me for public harassment though.

All In All, I’d Say I'm... Slightly Less Than Spectacul-Aweso-Mazing.

That's What You Get When You Let Your Heart Win.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself lately. Do I like Kyle? Tilur? Or what the hell, Kayla. I have no freakin idea. I like Austin. I like Kyle. I do not like Tilur. I thought I liked Tilur... But I think it was just my loneliness. Okay, no, that's not it. I just. I don't even know!
I miss being at school. There was so much more hocking up and fighting. I just... I love to listen to people. I love to try to help. I can't help my personality. I end up agreeing to help in every way possible...
But that may need to stop. I promised one guy I'd date him... I promise a lot of people a lot of things! I don't know why, but it's got to stop. I'm going to get screwed over and have no one to blame but me. Guys like me, I don't like them. I should just let that be that. But oh my god I DON'T KNOW!
I can't believe how childish and stupid just a few weeks ago seems now. Daniel, I'm glad I have him. He listens to me and I listen to him. Two alike minds.

Two Of A Kind. One In The Same.

This Is A World Of Dreams And Reverie.

I don't know where to start really...
How about this? I have two best friends that I hope to keep forever. Cassie and Danny. They're both amazing people. And help me realize a lot about myself. Danny always knows how to boost my confident and make me happy. He's someone I know I can go to when I'm feeling down, whereas Cassie's the one who comes to me. It's like she knows when I'm not doing well. She's a psychic. I know it! Hahaha. But seriously.
Cassie has helped me come to a strange revelation. I'm not over the past. I'm not okay. I care a lot about the people I meet and I'm not ready for another guy. I mean, to a lot of people that will seem stupid, but it's true. And fortunately for me, I know my approval is all I need.
People are just people; and I know that now more than ever. Guys will be guys, even when they don't want to define it that way. I know not all guys are the same and it's okay. Girls will always be jealous and bitchy in one for or another, but that's alright with me.

I know I'm not perfect, but that's what it's all about.

Forever She's A Dancer

My Life Would Be Wonderful With You In It, I Would Be Happy To Wake Up To You Every Morning. -I Miss You.

So since my last blog I've found out that I do not like one of the guys I liked before, but I do like another. A blog a lot in the summer, because I know once school rolls along I won't have as much time.
Anyways, I've recently come back in contact with a past friend who moved. He told me the cutest story that warmed my heart and made me smile. I had been in such a crappy mood, because a guy I know has a girlfriend who cheated on him and he hasn't dumped her. It's just frustrating, because I care about him and I hate that he's letting her cheat and lie.
Meanwhile, I'm recovering. My last relationship ended on the second to last day of school. Me and this guy, Matt, had dated for 3 months. He got an infection in his lip and gout in his foot so we couldn't go anywhere or kiss. I went to see him a lot, and his excuse for thinking about breaking up was we never hung out and I wouldn't "do" anything with him. Sorry, I'm no hoe.
The new guy I like is an old guy really. Another one of those that never got a chance. After he moved; I realized just how much I missed him. I sent him an IM and he said he'd come visit me while he was back from Florida!

I'm so excited for what's to come!

Because I Only Wanna Be Wanted By You.

Well my life's taken a turn for the worst. The guy I like, is now the guy I thought I liked. He's always been there for me and I know I should give him his fair shot, but there's no..... Chemistry. No fireworks. No... Unconditional love, on my part. We went to the pool to hang out and for me it was just... Awkward....... He text me after we left:
Him: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing....
Him: Do you not like me?
Me: I don't even know......
Him: Ok
I don't even know what to say to that. I think I'm gonna cry. I don't want to hurt him. I want to like him.... But I can't. It sucks, but it's true. And I'm not gonna do that to myself. My life has been dedicated to everyone other than myself, until now...
On top of that. My friends asked if I was going out with this other guy named, Kyle. Kyle still has a girlfriend! My life is epically fucked. Because now I don't know if I still like Kyle. Wtf.

I can't find the words to say, but I'm gonna go on anyway.

Tell Me That You Love Me, And It'll Be Alright.

Why are guys sooo complicated?? I just want to have a simple life, with simple people, and simple love. All I want is what any girl wants. "If you're a bird, I'm a bird" "Unconditional Love" Moulin Rouge, Phantom of the Opera, Twilight... The Notebook! Why can't life be like that. I would love to be swept off my feet and have a love to last a lifetime.
I don't like to date in the summer. It ends in disaster. With one guy we didn't hang out enough and the rumors of him cheating were too much, but, with the other, we hung out way too much and he became a jealous bastard. I don't know what else to say. That's the last time I dated in the summer... Until this year.
I hate breaking my words to people, but other people who've been there longer, and, sadly, are just more important get promises. And I made one I intend to keep. I promised to go out with this guy in the middle of July. I did that because I like him a lot and I know he would wait longer, but I also know he wouldn't want to. And I can tell he just wants to make me happy and that's the whole reason why this is even happening.

I can tell that this is going to be an interesting year.

When You And I Are Alone, I've Never Felt So At Home.

How Aren't You? I've Liked You Ever Since I Met You.
Wow. How things change so quickly... I'm not gonna say who sent that, but the value of it is more than it probably should be. How weird is it that even the most simple statements can make me so... Happy? I think that I'm losing my mind, for real. How about this... I should be a Lesbian! Wait... No.
Hahaha. Well how about this, no boyfriends in the summer unless they're straight out of school. It's so complicated to date in the summer. Rumors, hot heads, cheating and such. I get summer boys. That sounds like a bad statement, but really it's not. It's like... Guys who want to date me and are friends, I don't date in the summer. So instead I hang with whoever they are like a special-friend kinda deal. Not Friends With Benefits. That's just stupid. I mean I hang out with them more than other people and just let them act however, but no kissing and shit. That would be retarded and like cheating, but not technically.

Self-Inflicted Wounds Are My Specialty.

I'll Be Outta My Mind, And You'll Be Outta Ideas Pretty Soon.

So today I went to Terre Haute, Indiana for my great grandmother's 101st birthday party. Unfortunately, I didn't know most of the people. I've been to tons of family events, but I just didn't remember any of those people. Awkward? Yes. Very.
Oh yeah. I went swimming for the first time this summer. I got sunburnt on my chest and cheeks. Bahh. Healed nicely though. My ex-boyfriend, Matt, was working that day. He wasn't supposed to be, that's why I went. But he was and it was surprisingly okay. It was my friend Alex that caused the problem. I told him this story and it was like he didn't listen to it because as I was leaving, he tried to kiss me. Boys.
So the story I told Alex was that I like these boys; Kyle, Tilur (pronounced like Tyler), and Brandon. I've dated Brandon before and Tilur's liked me, but Kyle's a new one. Brandon and his girlfriend just broke up because she cheated on him. When I asked him about it, she flipped out on me. She's crazy. Kyle and Tilur both have girlfriends. Brittany cheated on Kyle apparently on this trip she went on, but is denying it so he's waiting for her to get back. Tilur... Idk what's going on with him. I used to not like him, but I feel like I do now. I was telling him about the guys I like and he guessed he was one of them and I, being me, denied it. He told me he was in love with his girlfriend, Kylie.

I guess I'm just out of love and out of luck. For now that is...

A City Sparkles In The Night.

A brief break in my impossible life. I don't exactly know how I found this site or why I'm here, but when I got to it I immediately knew I had to try it out. I don't really know what to write about. My experiences I'd say are unique and complicated.
I have two older sisters; Alannah, 18 and Arleenah, 17. I also have a mom named AnaLissa. We all have brunette hair and brown eyes. Here's where my life gets complicated. I don't have a dad. My mom and dad split not long after she developed a disease called myoclonus. My ex-dad is now in jail, and I live in my grandparents house in a small town. They're controlling sometimes, but I'm blessed that they took us in. My younger cousin, Hailey also lives here. She's 12. My Uncle Jay lives here too.
I have several friends that I care more about then anything. My life's been dedicated to anyone and anything around me. I have two dogs; a beagle-labrador named Casey and a yorkie-poodle named Bailey. Both are girls.
I love sudoku and coloring books. I also like to play video games; like Halo, Gears of War, and Skate. I read a lot of books. I break my Cell Phones a lot too. My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper. It's amazing ^_^. I listen to a lot of music also. I like bands like Owl City, Nickasaur!, Mercy Mercedes, Cobra Starship, and Hey Monday; but I also listen to Coblie Callait, Lady Gaga, Akon, Brad Paisley, Britney Spears, Chris Brown, Silverstein, Coheed and Cambria, David Cook, and David Archuleta.

That's The Story For Now.