I Want You To Know, You're Never Alone.

I went back, way back, and discovered my feelings for every guy I've ever felt for. I've uncovered every hidden leaf and flipped every unturned stone and I've realized... You can't live with distraught attitudes because something went unfavorably. I never want to forget who I am. And I never will now.
Thanks to experiences that weren't favorable, I've found myself again and I've remembered that I never, ever wanted to be "the other girl" and I'll try my hardest not to be. You know that girl that all the other girls don't like because they think she'll steal their boyfriends. I was that girl without reason.
When I became that girl with reason I... I woke up. And I found myself in a little hole, all alone with no where to go, but up. I got up and found my wings. I found the happiness I want comes after the pain and sadness. Without hurt, there's no healing, which makes no sense, because self-inflikted wounds are my specialty. If I can't reecover then I fall into a hole that goes deeper and deeper. Until all of the pain and sadness wash away with tears and I can find my magic again.
I know now that all I've done to try and help was worth it. I like to help people, or even try. I don't know why, but everything seems brighter now. I've never felt so enlightened and I always want to remember this so, this is it. This is my memory, put on the screen, for everyone to see and hopefully... Hopefully it helps someone.

You'll Always Have A Place To Go, It's On The Brighter Side.

Go Rock The World And Prove Them Wrong.

I don't know why, but every time I get close to someone... I want to let them go. I just told someone everything I've ever felt about them and it's never enough for me. It's like I have to help the people who need it and I can't stay with the people who want me, like want me.
Guys can be very sweet and emotional... But I can't do it, I just can't... Nor can I be the Time Traveler's Wife. I can't be with someone I know can't be there for me when I may need them the most. And even when I feel like I can give more than what I have, I still can't stay. I need to learn to tell people how I feel after I tell them how I used to feel... I just feel like I'm letting myself down...
I'm fifteen. These are the years of my life. I don't want to... Well not waste, but... Use up my love on one person. I want to make people happy... I don't know what to do anymore... I miss what I used to be all about. I miss the happiness and love. I miss the spontaneity. I can get back to it and I will... I just need some time.
I just want to make people happy and help them to the best of my ability. I guess I won't be able to help some people, but others I will. And I plan on it.

And At The End Of The Day, If Nothing Else, I Am Love.

I'm Only Me When I'm With You.

When life gives me lemons... I throw them away. I'm no good at making lemonade. But I am good at listening. I think that's why guys like to talk to me. Girls like to bitch. Guys like to vent. Yes, they're different.
Lately, people have... Connected... More. Like people actually care more often then they used to... I don't know why. People can be so random, but so... Fascinating. I just like to observe people. That may sound a whole lot creepier than it really is. I'm just a curious person.
I hate that I'm so misunderstood. I hate that friends drift apart. I hate that people can be so accusatory. I hate that I've never stolen any one's boyfriends, yet girls still have to tell their boyfriends they don't want them talking to me. I hate that everything is so overrated and stupid. And I hate that everyone just wants to fit in or wants to find love. I'm young. I'm a teenage girl. I can survive a little heartbreak. It's my life and I'll do what I please with it.

We're Like A Two Piece Puzzle. Complex, But So Simple.

There Exists A Melody That Just Might Change Your Mind.

Why would you invite someone somewhere and not show up? I got stood up at a fair? Oh my god. What's wrong with guys now a days?! Alex is right. Guys do just want sex. Unfortunately, guys opinions do matter. It just sucks.
Worst part about it was that the guy is Alex's "best friend." Alex un-claimed him though after he ditched both of us to go see his ex Brittany, who cheated on him! I'm just way over stupid guys thinking with their dicks and not thinking I'm gonna be mad for them lying. Like, for real? What the fuck.
In other news. My friend found out that Tony Oller is her long lost brother! Half brother. She hasn't met him yet, but her brother, Justin, did. That's so cool. I'm glad she found him.

Whatever Happens, Happens.

Because You Live, I Live.

Well I Seriously Miss Going Out With You. -Vision Way.
Well What If I Said I Wouldn't Leave If You Didn't Want Me To? -I Miss You.
But You're Special, Really. You Are So Beautiful, And Nice. So Many Things That Words Can't Describe. -I Miss You.

The eve on Independence Day, I really hope it doesn't rain. I really want to see my friends. I'm supposed to be picnicking at the lake! I also really need to talk to Tilur... He watched the fireworks with me last year. I guess I could say I'm excited, but, honestly, I'm more excited about actually watching the parade! I've been in it the last three years, so I haven't got to watch.
I'm also overly excited about the fair. My friends; Danny, Aaron, and Bj; are in a band called Purple Tranzam and they entered the Talent Show! I'm way happy for them and totally going to watch! Also, Kyle owes me a prize. I always win. That just proves it. :D Hahaha.
Seriously though, I'm even more stoked about going to visit my Aunt Irish down in Texas! I bought a new bikini, and we're staying on a resort or whatever. I can tell that it's going to be awesome! The only thing that would make it better would be if I could take my best friends Daniel and Cassie...
Ryan too. We just re-established our friendship. It was funny, because we hadn't talked since school got out and my mom went to get a hair cut while me and Leenah bought bikinis and it was taking forever so we just walked over to the salon and there was dorky Ryan, sitting in the chair waiting. So I did a typical Kayla, and waltzed right over to his chair. My favorite hair stylist was going to cut his hair, and I had already had my hair cut earlier that day. If I knew she would have been working later, I would have waited. Anyways, I was like, “Ryan, you’re such a dork. Good thing you have the best stylist.” She thought it was hilarious. He had to make some joke about sewing me for public harassment though.

All In All, I’d Say I'm... Slightly Less Than Spectacul-Aweso-Mazing.

That's What You Get When You Let Your Heart Win.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself lately. Do I like Kyle? Tilur? Or what the hell, Kayla. I have no freakin idea. I like Austin. I like Kyle. I do not like Tilur. I thought I liked Tilur... But I think it was just my loneliness. Okay, no, that's not it. I just. I don't even know!
I miss being at school. There was so much more hocking up and fighting. I just... I love to listen to people. I love to try to help. I can't help my personality. I end up agreeing to help in every way possible...
But that may need to stop. I promised one guy I'd date him... I promise a lot of people a lot of things! I don't know why, but it's got to stop. I'm going to get screwed over and have no one to blame but me. Guys like me, I don't like them. I should just let that be that. But oh my god I DON'T KNOW!
I can't believe how childish and stupid just a few weeks ago seems now. Daniel, I'm glad I have him. He listens to me and I listen to him. Two alike minds.

Two Of A Kind. One In The Same.